Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
