i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
