someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
