evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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