walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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