I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
