Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
