My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
