Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
