My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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