Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
