i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I understand Curling. That high.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just want to make out with him forever
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
