I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
