You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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