so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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