8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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