She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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