Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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