I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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