Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
