forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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