Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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