I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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