Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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