Porn is love you can see.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize