He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
