i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
