I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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