She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
