i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
