i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize