he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
