dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
