I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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