I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
