Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
