I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
