Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
