you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
