Moan for me like Helen Keller
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Randomize
