I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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