I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
