never play flip cup with pint glasses
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
