Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
