Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
