My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
