I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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