hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he thought i was a dude.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
