They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
