Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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