He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
