Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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