I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
