i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
