In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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