so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
