i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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