I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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