Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
