Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize