No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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