Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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