I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
