And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have already put on my inside pants.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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