i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
