my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
