i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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