just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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