Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
