i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
