you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
