I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
