i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
