Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
