Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
