just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize