Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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