well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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