Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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