And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
