Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
