I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize