oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
