Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
