Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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