In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
