mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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