He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
