if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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