Your face is a jimmy john
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
