but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
