dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
