she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize