I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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