omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Semen is not good for contacts.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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