I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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