you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
