I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
