well you can't waste a boner
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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