ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
