barbara walters just said penis...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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