Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
smell my finger.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
