I murdered the dance floor call the cops
one might say we're banned from that church
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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