i barfeds in our rink
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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