If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
